Wendypedia

Today's profound thought of the day: How many acronyms can the average human brain remember?

Does anybody know? I think mine holds about 11 max. Now, I'm not talking about the acronyms that actually make sense and are widely used in the texting world (BTW, TTFN, OMG). I'm talking about the acronyms that I am making up in order to retain word for word dialogue for 26 yoga postures. BUT the tricky thing is that for some of the postures, one posture is actually comprised of 3 parts! So it's really 198 postures when counting all of the parts. OK, I'm exagerating but my brain has communicated to me that unless I purchase additional GB's of memory from Best Buy asap, it is going on strike.

I don't blame my brain (we have a love/hate relationship). Sometimes my brain is sharp as a tack and can recall the exact outfit (including jewelry & hair) that I wore on my first date with my boyfriend over two years ago. When my brain and I are on the same wave length (or cell length), we co-exist in harmony, giving each other HIGH 5's when we recall details about location, hair styles, and conversations from 8 years ago. Like any relationship, sometimes we don't get along. There are stormy, gloomy, rainy days like today where my brain is protesting, "ENOUGH!".

So back to the acronyms...here's an example of what my brain is refusing to store.

LPMIAC

LPMIAC stands for the first word of each line in the Backward Bending posture (there's more to it...but I spare you the details).

L = Lower
P = Push
M = Maximum
I = Inhale
A = Arms
C = Come

Instead of my brain looking at "L" and saying, "AH HA! That means LOWER! DUH!" it is responding with "Look!" or "Little!" or "Last!"....(you get the picture). Pretty much EVERY word that begins with an "L" in the entire dialogue except the correct word. Instead of doing what it's supposed to do, my brain is in la la land, making up definitions for the acronyms. According to WENDYPEDIA...

LPMIAC (pronounced "LIP-ME-AHK"): "To agressively smack one's lips together in an attempt to create an attractive noise that entices a member of the opposite sex that is twice one's age."

Used in a sentence: "An engaged Paris Hilton sparked fierce rumours when she was caught on cellphone video Lpmiacing George Clooney at the Whiskey Bar in Hollywood."

We can also use LPMIAC as a noun, adjective,.....oh the possibilities. I will stop and take this as a hint that I should drop the studying and watch a nice movie.

Lazy "Summer" Days...

Seattlites must have done some good deeds lately. We were rewarded with two full back to back days of 70 degree sunshine! When I watched Jeff Renner's weekly forecast (because when you are jobless, you have time to chart weather patterns) I was like, "NO WAY! It just snowed LAST WEEK!" Boy was I wrong. Now I know that weather guys (and gals) don't get paid to lie.

As I emerged from my winter cave with pale, ghostly skin and dark under eye circles, thoughts of summer preparation raced through my mind: "Gotta hit the tanning bed!" "Bring out the summer gear and donate the sweaters!" "Break out the BBQ!"

Sammie, my Maltan (not to be confused with Martian, although fitting since by relation he also resides on Planet Jobless) had one thought in mind: "MUST find best sun spot and lay in it all day!" Thus, the photo. Now, that's what you call "Dog days of summer!" I wanted to join Sammie but he wouldn't make room for me. I'm so jealous that he got a strong dose of Vitamin C, not to mention a stunning tan. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be a dog sometimes...

The two days of sun were great, huh? My body was not used to receiving warmth naturally from the sun. Typically, my warmth is generated from a ginormous heater at the yoga studio. To my surprise, going for a short walk outside produced beads of sweat on my forehead. For a sec, I almost broke out in a toe stand. :D

Voted Off the Island!

Oh, why do the days go by so fast when one is "in between jobs?" Could it be because I wake up in time for the second meal of the day instead of the first? Or is it because my days are occupied with activities that 9 to 5 workers can't normally engage in when they are chained to their desks, like...getting free samples from Costco during the middle of the afternoon (say, 2:00pm) without having to wait in gigantic lines...or going to the dog park and having acres and acres of land to ourselves, as if we rented it out for a private party (dogs only, please). I look around and think, "Am I the only person on planet jobless?" I surely am not, given the state's 8.4% unemployment rate. How did I ever become the girl in the plastic bubble (which btw, is my favorite flick w/Jake G.)?

For one, it could be because I was the only one in the office whose position was eliminated due to a restructure, despite over 8 years of slaving away in a cubicle. The votes were in...I was to be casted off the island. There was only one small problem with this scene - I wasn't prepared. I didn't get a chance to pack! So I found myself on a second hand row boat with no shoes, clothes or food. Just me, my paddles and my vacation check.

On planet jobless, I found myself enjoying the serenity of freedom (what does this word mean?). Getting a good night's sleep...watching the Ellen show (live!)...greeting the UPS guy...making french toast for lunch...this freedom thing is awesome! BUT as quick as I typed the last sentence...a poisonous snake named "Anxiety" slithers its way around my neck and I realize that I HAVE NO JOB! yikes. Holy S! I better get on it! Hurry! All the good jobs will be taken! Start looking cuz everybody is saying (as they shake their heads) "Good luck, it's a tough market out there!" I get online and apply for jobs left and right. All of a sudden, in my head, I can be an expert in watches, a creative travel writer, a PR director...sure, I can do it! No experience? No problem! You can learn how to do anything by going online now. Like googling, "How to become a successful VP with morals for a Fortune 500 firm." Someone must've written cliff notes. Every day, I diligently check my phone and email for a fresh and exciting email that says, "You are what we have been looking for all along! We would LOVE to meet you ASAP!" Unfortunately, that hasn't happened.

OK, now what? The days are whizzing by (why? see beginning of blog) and I feel more and more unwanted by corporate america or any company that is actually hiring bodies. I decide to hold off on applying for the physicist position and do some soul searching. This is where you decide whether you want to make a hobby into an actual profession, which is frightening because for most people, there is a reason why a hobby is a hobby in the first place - something along the lines of, "Don't quit your day job!" To make a long story short (not that you have been reading a blog that goes forever), I've taken a huge, huge plunge and enrolled in a 9 week training session to become a certified Bikram yoga instructor. Holy S! Like an exercise you would do in middle school, I weighed the pro's and con's very closely...

PRO'S:
*it would be 1,000 times more fun to be a yoga instructor than it would be glued to a chair in a cubicle eating pringles all day.
*i would actually have a skill that is more exciting than Excel.
*i could teach anywhere in the world.
*i would have a good excuse to go to lululemon (that's for you, Jen!).
*can you say, palm springs?!
*...and the best pro....i would be learning about something that i actually love and be able to teach the practice to others.

CON'S:
*the cost (pretty much my right arm...but that's what credit cards are for, right? ha!).
*time away from my boys (human and canines)
*it's too hard! (3 hrs of yoga practice, 7 or so hrs of clinics/lectures 6 days a week!)

So, as you can see, the pro's outweigh the con's. (Right now, I'd like to give a shout out to my man, whom convinced me that I should do it and "it won't kill me"). I actually checked and nobody has died going through this training, just some minor stuff like barfing during practice, fainting, gaining/losing weight, and severe skin rashes.

I will be writing about my preparation for the training on April 26th. Even better, I'll do my best to keep you abreast about my action packed adventures from the Springs (like what I'll be eating, etc).

Now I have a compass to guide me and my row boat to our next destination. Chips Ahoy! :)

Until next time,

-jobless in seattle (get it? like the tom hanks flick!)